Gardudsaw Nelmobbig is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, almighty narwhal.

Gardudsaw Nelmobbig created an atom nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gardudsaw Nelmobbig, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gardudsaw Nelmobbig, he will not invite you to parties.

Gardudsaw Nelmobbig's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Gardudsaw Nelmobbig's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Gardudsaw Nelmobbig's priests.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gardudsaw Nelmobbig.

3. Do not eat apples.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never hurt horses.