Flatgepwip is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, conceited swallow.

Flatgepwip created a bottom quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatgepwip, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Flatgepwip, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Flatgepwip's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Flatgepwip's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never wear violet jumpers.