Yartfubrip is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, almighty wren.

Yartfubrip created energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartfubrip, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Yartfubrip, it will destroy your home planet.

Yartfubrip's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Yartfubrip's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed peas to tortoises while wearing black boots.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Erect a large lead sculpture of Yartfubrip on top of all buildings.

4. Yartfubrip loves nematodes, so they must be honoured.

5. Never paint your face cyan.