Hogmetquatsagrak is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, pitiless otter.

Hogmetquatsagrak created the Small Magellanic Cloud five million years ago.

If you believe in Hogmetquatsagrak, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hogmetquatsagrak, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Hogmetquatsagrak's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Hogmetquatsagrak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not wear violet clothing.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never talk about horses.

5. Hide from pink capybaras for they are unholy.