Kiprullwit is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, bad-tempered cow.

Kiprullwit created dark energy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kiprullwit, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Kiprullwit, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Kiprullwit's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Kiprullwit's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always wear purple.

4. Erect a large gold sculpture of Kiprullwit on top of all buildings.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Kiprullwit.