Jonhogkinxuctarphen is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, charitable porpoise.

Jonhogkinxuctarphen created energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonhogkinxuctarphen, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jonhogkinxuctarphen, it will think nothing of it.

Jonhogkinxuctarphen's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Jonhogkinxuctarphen's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

3. Never write about nebulae.

4. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.