Gumlenlap Ditgum is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, selfish manatee.

Gumlenlap Ditgum created a down quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gumlenlap Ditgum, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gumlenlap Ditgum, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Gumlenlap Ditgum's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Gumlenlap Ditgum's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt ants.

2. Always look after injured pigs.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate cats.

5. Never write about stars.