Lablunxen is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, tranquil pig.

Lablunxen created time and space three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lablunxen, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Lablunxen, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Lablunxen's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Lablunxen's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Lablunxen.

4. Never think ill of sick bats.

5. Never talk about ants.