Bem is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, all-knowing bat.

Bem created the world three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bem, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bem, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Bem's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Bem's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Always help voles in need.

3. You must love Bem.

4. Never feed peanuts to shrews while wearing green shoes.

5. Do not hurt capybaras.