Garflabminpang is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, flying penguin.

Garflabminpang created the world two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Garflabminpang, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Garflabminpang, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Garflabminpang's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Garflabminpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Always wear fawn.

3. Always help sick manatees.

4. Never bounce in the presence of tapirs.

5. Never think ill of sick birds.