Cabditflat is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, tiresome spider.

Cabditflat created tapeworms five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cabditflat, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Cabditflat, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Cabditflat's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Cabditflat's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from purple sharks, for they are unholy.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Cabditflat.