Bumkanbess is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, all-knowing dugong.

Bumkanbess created carbon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bumkanbess, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bumkanbess, she will turn you into a rock.

Bumkanbess' most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Bumkanbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never talk about comets.

4. Hide if four voles approach from the east.

5. Never look in ponds.