Fetrutkem is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, all-powerful squid.

Fetrutkem created the planet Venus nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Fetrutkem, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Fetrutkem, it will laugh at you.

Fetrutkem's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Fetrutkem's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate nematodes.

4. Sharks are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never think ill of sick moths.