Nigcanzist is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, contented eagle.

Nigcanzist created dark matter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nigcanzist, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nigcanzist, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Nigcanzist's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Nigcanzist's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Nigcanzist seven times a day.

2. Never feed spinach to shrews while wearing magenta boots.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not kill swans.

5. Do not drink alcohol.