Fatvanzog is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, compassionate guinea pig.

Fatvanzog created the universe three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fatvanzog, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Fatvanzog, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Fatvanzog's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Fatvanzog's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never wear jumpers.

5. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.