Vonkquarthun is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, proud meerkat.

Vonkquarthun created Asia four billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkquarthun, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vonkquarthun, he will think nothing of it.

Vonkquarthun's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Vonkquarthun's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Vonkquarthun loves birds, so they must be respected.

3. Vonkquarthun loves great tits, so they must be honoured.

4. Always help whales in need.

5. Do not chop down trees.