Xinpark is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, witless penguin.

Xinpark created silver four million years ago.

If you believe in Xinpark, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Xinpark, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Xinpark's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Xinpark's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into cyan rooms.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Xinpark.

3. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.