Gupsterhiv is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, smart otter.

Gupsterhiv created a strange quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Gupsterhiv, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gupsterhiv, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Gupsterhiv's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Gupsterhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never bounce in the presence of porpoises.

3. Run away from mauve manatees, for they are unholy.

4. Never jump near ducks.

5. Always take life seriously.