Parkhitstig is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, merciful narwhal.

Parkhitstig created energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkhitstig, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Parkhitstig, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Parkhitstig's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Parkhitstig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about mice.

2. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

3. Do not wear silver on your body.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always help sharks in need.