Tarpjenfarn is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, tranquil dove.

Tarpjenfarn created the planet Mars three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpjenfarn, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tarpjenfarn, she will refuse to believe in you.

Tarpjenfarn's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Tarpjenfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. You must pray to Tarpjenfarn nine times a day.