Gumarngam is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, contented turtle.

Gumarngam created silver four years ago.

If you believe in Gumarngam, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gumarngam, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Gumarngam's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Gumarngam's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about amino acids.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Fast once a month.

4. You must love Gumarngam.

5. Do not trade with those who eat figs.