Lamarnpakmit is a god.

It takes the form of a small, awe-inspiring dragon.

Lamarnpakmit created the planet Earth eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamarnpakmit, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lamarnpakmit, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Lamarnpakmit's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Lamarnpakmit's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Do not shave your legs.

3. Never sit in holy places.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never wear magenta corsets.