Kemhapnig is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, cheerful whale.

Kemhapnig created the Sol system six billion years ago.

If you believe in Kemhapnig, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kemhapnig, he will turn you into a worm.

Kemhapnig's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Kemhapnig's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Never write about black holes.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate gulls.

5. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Kemhapnig on top of all buildings.