Bed is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, dishonourable pig.

Bed created Mount Everest seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bed, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bed, it will turn you into a mouse.

Bed's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Bed's Holy Commandments

1. Bed must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not take Bed's name in vain.

4. Pray towards the north.

5. Hide from green swans for they are unholy.