Pidbigarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, temperamental clam.

Pidbigarn created the cosmos six billion years ago.

If you believe in Pidbigarn, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Pidbigarn, he will not care.

Pidbigarn's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Pidbigarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat nuts.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never talk about great tits.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.