Haknelbuspop is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, charitable squid.

Haknelbuspop created a Higgs boson five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Haknelbuspop, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Haknelbuspop, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Haknelbuspop's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Haknelbuspop's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Haknelbuspop six times a day.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not speak about turnips.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Hide from purple manatees for they are unholy.