Faskimlik Kopbetrapmiftarjon is a god.

She takes the form of a small, proud weasel.

Faskimlik Kopbetrapmiftarjon created the planet Jupiter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Faskimlik Kopbetrapmiftarjon, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Faskimlik Kopbetrapmiftarjon, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Faskimlik Kopbetrapmiftarjon's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Faskimlik Kopbetrapmiftarjon's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never talk about squirrels.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Put Faskimlik Kopbetrapmiftarjon first in all things.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.