Doghatkem is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, temperamental fish.

Doghatkem created gold eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Doghatkem, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Doghatkem, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Doghatkem's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Doghatkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair cyan.

2. Do not trade with those who eat bread.

3. Never talk about tapirs.

4. Never look at moons.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.