Yakvinarn is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, charitable turtle.

Yakvinarn created snails four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yakvinarn, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yakvinarn, he will not invite you to parties.

Yakvinarn's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Yakvinarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat cucumbers.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.

4. Hide from black foxes for they are unholy.

5. Never mention frogs.