Bepmaplop is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, wise newt.

Bepmaplop created Africa four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bepmaplop, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bepmaplop, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Bepmaplop's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Bepmaplop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a room before entering it.

4. Run away if five badgers approach from the west.

5. Never look at moons.