Bumpitsas is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, moody lizard.

Bumpitsas created the Small Magellanic Cloud five million years ago.

If you believe in Bumpitsas, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bumpitsas, he will turn you into a dog.

Bumpitsas' most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Bumpitsas' Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Bumpitsas.

3. Always make sure there are no ants in a room before entering it.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.