Gatyokven is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, proud dragonfly.

Gatyokven created Europe eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gatyokven, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gatyokven, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gatyokven's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Gatyokven's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gatyokven.

3. Do not shave your hands.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never feed cherries to birds while wearing indigo shoes.