Yartjatfid Armkaddim is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unthoughtful swan.

Yartjatfid Armkaddim created a Higgs boson eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartjatfid Armkaddim, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Yartjatfid Armkaddim, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Yartjatfid Armkaddim's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Yartjatfid Armkaddim's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine grasshopers approach from the east.

2. Great tits are not to be trusted.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Always wear cyan.