Hapkoncadhub Mannadmid is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, unsympathetic porpoise.

Hapkoncadhub Mannadmid created a top quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapkoncadhub Mannadmid, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hapkoncadhub Mannadmid, she will boil you in a big pot.

Hapkoncadhub Mannadmid's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Hapkoncadhub Mannadmid's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear mauve shorts.

2. Erect a large copper sculpture of Hapkoncadhub Mannadmid on top of all buildings.

3. Never feed aubergines to birds while wearing brown kilts.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always stare at clouds.