Zogkincum is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, unsympathetic fish.

Zogkincum created time and space five billion years ago.

If you believe in Zogkincum, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zogkincum, it will not care.

Zogkincum's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Zogkincum's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about planets.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Do not sing in public.

5. Zogkincum loves manatees, so they must be honoured.