Vonxenvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, contented seal.

Vonxenvonk created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonxenvonk, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Vonxenvonk, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Vonxenvonk's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Vonxenvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Vonxenvonk loves shrews, so they must be respected.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

5. You must love Vonxenvonk.