Narttartad is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, compassionate jaguar.

Narttartad created viruses eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Narttartad, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Narttartad, it will be mildly annoyed.

Narttartad's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Narttartad's Holy Commandments

1. Narttartad loves shrews, so they must be respected.

2. Never wear jumpers.

3. Hide if five hamsters approach from the west.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.