Bemarmrapfed is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, temperamental naga.

Bemarmrapfed created tapeworms seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemarmrapfed, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bemarmrapfed, she will send you a sign.

Bemarmrapfed's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Bemarmrapfed's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Always wear brown.

3. You must pray to Bemarmrapfed five times a day.

4. Never think ill of sick aardvarks.

5. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.