Hatpondam is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, thoughtless slug.

Hatpondam created a bottom quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatpondam, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hatpondam, he will turn you into a rat.

Hatpondam's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Hatpondam's Holy Commandments

1. Hatpondam must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never look at stars.

3. Do not speak about nuts.

4. Never wear boots.

5. Never skip near manatees.