Tontarpsan is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unselfish goat.

Tontarpsan created energy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tontarpsan, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tontarpsan, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Tontarpsan's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Tontarpsan's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Tontarpsan.

2. Always obey Tontarpsan's priests.

3. Do not laugh in public.

4. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tontarpsan.