Yartxuclabxucfotkomdin is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, merciless monkey.

Yartxuclabxucfotkomdin created a Higgs boson four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartxuclabxucfotkomdin, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Yartxuclabxucfotkomdin, she will ignore you.

Yartxuclabxucfotkomdin's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Yartxuclabxucfotkomdin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not drink water in white rooms.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

5. Never talk about black holes.