Bemtoflarg is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, thoughtless whale.

Bemtoflarg created a bottom quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bemtoflarg, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Bemtoflarg, it will turn you into a puffin.

Bemtoflarg's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Bemtoflarg's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Always look after injured seals.

3. You must love Bemtoflarg.

4. Always help doves.

5. Do not wear gold on your body.