Tail Hogspagmap is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, moody hyena.

Tail Hogspagmap created parasitic wasps five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tail Hogspagmap, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tail Hogspagmap, it will be very sad.

Tail Hogspagmap's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Tail Hogspagmap's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Tail Hogspagmap loves bats, so they must be honoured.

4. Never sing in the presence of geese.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.