Yarhivmat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, clever faun.

Yarhivmat created a bottom quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarhivmat, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Yarhivmat, he will not invite you to parties.

Yarhivmat's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Yarhivmat's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven pigs approach from the east.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Always help sick tapirs.

4. Do not wear titanium on your body.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.