Gardunmob is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, tranquil bear.

Gardunmob created an atom five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gardunmob, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gardunmob, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Gardunmob's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Gardunmob's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Gardunmob.

3. Always make sure there are no dogs in a room before entering it.

4. Never think about amino acids.

5. Never hurt ducks.