Bonkbungil is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, awesome seal.

Bonkbungil created energy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bonkbungil, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bonkbungil, she will jump up and down on your head.

Bonkbungil's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Bonkbungil's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five tortoises approach from the west.

2. Do not shave your legs.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Sharks are unholy and should not be approached.