Fetpandag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, tiresome walrus.

Fetpandag created the cosmos six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fetpandag, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Fetpandag, she will turn you into a snail.

Fetpandag's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Fetpandag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear brown clothing.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fetpandag.

4. Never think about comets.

5. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.