Kapfartiksawlarnnul is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, clever clam.

Kapfartiksawlarnnul created humankind eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kapfartiksawlarnnul, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kapfartiksawlarnnul, she will ignore you.

Kapfartiksawlarnnul's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Kapfartiksawlarnnul's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not eat pineapples.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.