Tanstergon is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, dishonourable dugong.

Tanstergon created viruses seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tanstergon, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tanstergon, he will turn you into a sheep.

Tanstergon's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Tanstergon's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tanstergon.

3. Run away if nine snakes approach from the west.

4. Always help capybaras in need.

5. Do not cook food in pots.