Dumtaffob is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, capable squid.

Dumtaffob created humankind nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumtaffob, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Dumtaffob, it will be very unhappy.

Dumtaffob's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Dumtaffob's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Dumtaffob.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never jump near tapirs.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.